So Thankful for Family

I'm sorry everybody.  I keep having to step away to collect my thoughts.  I'm back though, ready to finish telling y'all my crazy story.   

Now, I am sitting up in the hospital, still not even fully comprehending what is going on, and the severity of everything.  I was just barely waking up from this 2 day sleep, and so very groggy still.  Even though doctors, police, therapists were constantly in and out of my room, asking what I could remember...I was still drawing a blank.  Little things were coming to me, but only bits and pieces, and that was just the things that happened once my family came to check on me, and called the ambulance.  I cannot even begin to explain how thankful I am for my family.  If they did not get worried because they hadn't talked to me all day, I don't know what would've happened to me, and it scares the mess out of me to think of the possibilities.  I know they say that everything happens for a reason, and some things are terrible, and we can never understand what the reason is.  What happened to me that Saturday night in January was one of the most horrible things to happen in my life thus far, and I have been through some rough times.  I still believe that it was a reason for it, and it might surface itself in the future.  Maybe it was a wake up call, maybe it was a message...one day I will know.   As for my family coming to check on me, that was to save my life.  That was God telling me that I still needed to be here, that he still wants me here because I got more work to do.

When I finally did start to come to my senses, all I wanted was my son.  I was so scared because I had no idea where he was, and whether he was OK.  Since I didn't really even understand fully what was going on, and what had happened to me, I was so worried.  I know there is nobody who can really take care of him for a long period of time.  His needs are so complex, there really isn't anyone who knows enough to watch him for longer than a few hours, except my one sister who is closest to me in age.  She is the only one who has ever kept him over night, so that is who took care of him.  the thing is, they were in the hospital too.  When she got to my house, and saw that LJ had not had anything to eat recently, she didn't know when the last time that he ate was, since he is g-tube fed.  Most importantly, he hadn't had his medicine either, being that I was out of it for so long.  The only thing she could do, which was the safest thing, was take him to the hospital to find out #1, if he was OK, and 2, what to do now that I would be in ICU for who knows how long.  It was a good thing too, because he was dehydrated, and she was able to learn a lot about his care.  Thank goodness she was there.  The pain of not seeing him though, was terrible.  we cuddle up next to each other every night (I know he should sleep in his bed).  It just doesn't feel right when we are not next to each other.  My older sister and brother brought him to the hospital to come see me, but he couldn't stay long because he was still trying to get over his cold, and with his immune system, it wasn't the best place to be..even with his mask on.  He needed to see me though, just like I needed to see him.  He needed to know his mommy was trying to get better.  It was helpful to both of us.  

The psychologist called my mother in Virginia, and told her she needed to get here because I was in bad shape, and she came asap.  I tell you, like every family, we have our ups and downs, but literally, they saved my life, and my sister made sure my son was well taken care of.  Just to give an idea of how sick I was, my CK level when I came in was over 800,000, normal high for that level in your blood is less than 150 for a female.  So...yeah, I was doing bad.  No wonder they didn't think I was gonna make it.  Sad to say.  As long as my numbers were coming down, and at a reasonable rate, once my levels got below 10, 000, the doctors let me go home after almost a week.   I never want to be in that hospital again, it was horrible (but that's another story).  I had to rest a lot, but also try to move around and stay active to help me numbers keep coming down, and they told me to drink tons of water.  I was getting blood work weekly, and when I went to go see my doctor she said even though they released me, I was still very sick, which was why I felt so out of it for such a long time.  I made it out though, and just had to keep those numbers coming down, that was most important.