Baby Steps

Hey Everybody! I hope this has been a great day for each and every one of you.  LJ and I had a good day today.  I spoke to the Director at his Pre-School, and he is going to be going an extra day.  Now he will go 3 days in stead of 2, lol.  It's a big deal or us, every step counts, especially when it's in the right direction.  My little man is doing good there.  When I went to pick him up, his physical therapist was leaving, and she said he had an awesome session.  Then, when I went into the classroom, he was on the floor, rolling around and singing.  I was so happy to see that.  I swear that boy just melts my heart.  Hopefully, we can go to full days by the summer, since he can still attend Daystar then.  It will be good for him to go as much as possible, considering that he will be going to Kindergarten all day, for 5 days a week.  So far, so good though.  He had a rough time going back on Tuesday since it was his first day after break, but that's ok.  To be honest,  I know adults that had a hard time after winter break :)  We are definitely getting there though.  My baby has his little crew at school now and everything.  They told m he had his arm around a little girl and they were reading books in the library corner.  Oh, and my baby said I can't call him that anymore, he is a big boy.  He said, "Mom, big boys don't like to be called baby."  They really do grow up so fast, and absorb so much more than we even realize.  WOW! 

Happy Thursday Y'all  

Dear Diary Entry #3

So "Diary", I have been doing a lot of thinking.  Story of my life, right!  I have been having so much on my mind, and heart.  There is so much I want to do, so much I want to change, and it seems overwhelming, but I don't want that to be my downfall.  I cannot be that woman that gives up because the road got tough.  That is not even who I am, not who my mother raised me to be.  Over these last 5 years, I have dealt with enough heartache and pain for 10 lifetimes.  LJ and his birth complications and sickness, then losing the love of my life.  When you gotta keep pushing, you just have to.  Lord knows there were so many days I just wanted to give up, but thanks to LJ, it was never even a possibility.  From the moment I saw him, barely breathing in that incubator, I said to myself, "If he's fighting, I'm fighting....PERIOD."   I have lived by that through all the ups and downs, all the scary moments, I been fighting.  I truly believe if it wasn't for my son, I would not be here today.  I would honestly have thrown in the towel after I lost Josh.  Nothing in this world could ever have prepared me for the devastation that would follow his passing.  Through it all though, LJ kept me, between God and him, I'm still here.   Now it is time for me to do some serious things on my own.  I have been so engulfed in just keeping LJ as healthy as possible, now I need to focus on just giving him a better life in general.   I had such a hard time accepting the fact that my life would never be what I dreamed of or hoped for, that I was just stuck.  I kept looking back in the past, the pain, the hurt, and the memories.  I didn't realize it was destroying my present, and damaging my future.  I feel like my eyes have been opened, and it's time to dry the tears; not permanently, but I got business to take care of.  It's just me and LJ against the world.  This morning, I heard my Bae voice clear as day telling me it was a beautiful day outside.  I miss him more than I miss air if I'm not breathing.  My heart aches everyday, but I have a son, and he needs me.  Truth be told, I think I need him more.  I'm ready though.  I have spent enough time in the shadows.  It's time to step into the light!!!!