So Thankful for Family

I'm sorry everybody.  I keep having to step away to collect my thoughts.  I'm back though, ready to finish telling y'all my crazy story.   

Now, I am sitting up in the hospital, still not even fully comprehending what is going on, and the severity of everything.  I was just barely waking up from this 2 day sleep, and so very groggy still.  Even though doctors, police, therapists were constantly in and out of my room, asking what I could remember...I was still drawing a blank.  Little things were coming to me, but only bits and pieces, and that was just the things that happened once my family came to check on me, and called the ambulance.  I cannot even begin to explain how thankful I am for my family.  If they did not get worried because they hadn't talked to me all day, I don't know what would've happened to me, and it scares the mess out of me to think of the possibilities.  I know they say that everything happens for a reason, and some things are terrible, and we can never understand what the reason is.  What happened to me that Saturday night in January was one of the most horrible things to happen in my life thus far, and I have been through some rough times.  I still believe that it was a reason for it, and it might surface itself in the future.  Maybe it was a wake up call, maybe it was a message...one day I will know.   As for my family coming to check on me, that was to save my life.  That was God telling me that I still needed to be here, that he still wants me here because I got more work to do.

When I finally did start to come to my senses, all I wanted was my son.  I was so scared because I had no idea where he was, and whether he was OK.  Since I didn't really even understand fully what was going on, and what had happened to me, I was so worried.  I know there is nobody who can really take care of him for a long period of time.  His needs are so complex, there really isn't anyone who knows enough to watch him for longer than a few hours, except my one sister who is closest to me in age.  She is the only one who has ever kept him over night, so that is who took care of him.  the thing is, they were in the hospital too.  When she got to my house, and saw that LJ had not had anything to eat recently, she didn't know when the last time that he ate was, since he is g-tube fed.  Most importantly, he hadn't had his medicine either, being that I was out of it for so long.  The only thing she could do, which was the safest thing, was take him to the hospital to find out #1, if he was OK, and 2, what to do now that I would be in ICU for who knows how long.  It was a good thing too, because he was dehydrated, and she was able to learn a lot about his care.  Thank goodness she was there.  The pain of not seeing him though, was terrible.  we cuddle up next to each other every night (I know he should sleep in his bed).  It just doesn't feel right when we are not next to each other.  My older sister and brother brought him to the hospital to come see me, but he couldn't stay long because he was still trying to get over his cold, and with his immune system, it wasn't the best place to be..even with his mask on.  He needed to see me though, just like I needed to see him.  He needed to know his mommy was trying to get better.  It was helpful to both of us.  

The psychologist called my mother in Virginia, and told her she needed to get here because I was in bad shape, and she came asap.  I tell you, like every family, we have our ups and downs, but literally, they saved my life, and my sister made sure my son was well taken care of.  Just to give an idea of how sick I was, my CK level when I came in was over 800,000, normal high for that level in your blood is less than 150 for a female.  So...yeah, I was doing bad.  No wonder they didn't think I was gonna make it.  Sad to say.  As long as my numbers were coming down, and at a reasonable rate, once my levels got below 10, 000, the doctors let me go home after almost a week.   I never want to be in that hospital again, it was horrible (but that's another story).  I had to rest a lot, but also try to move around and stay active to help me numbers keep coming down, and they told me to drink tons of water.  I was getting blood work weekly, and when I went to go see my doctor she said even though they released me, I was still very sick, which was why I felt so out of it for such a long time.  I made it out though, and just had to keep those numbers coming down, that was most important.

Way to start the New Year off WRONG!

Sorry, about that....had to press pause for a sec.   Now back to my story.
So.....I was rushed to the hospital in the ambulance, and immediately got all these IVs stuck in me, all these tests ran, it was crazy.   I had a catheter put in and everything (this was a first for me 'cuz I didn't even get one when I gave birth to my son).  The police came to talk to me, and everything.  They told me my sisters wanted me to have a rape kit done, and they were so concerned that I had had someone over that may have hurt me.  There were no signs of forced entry to my house, and my son was completely OK, so everyone thought that the only obvious thing was that I had company, and they attacked me for some reason.  I even overheard nurses saying that I was beat by my boyfriend, and I should tell the truth because it's only gonna get worse for me.  I don't even have a boyfriend, but that's neither here nor there.  It goes to show how people form their own opinions.  It's understandable that my family was concerned about those things considering how I looked, and how my house was destroyed. What really happened is just as scary though.

I actually had another seizure.  The thing was, I was so tired from having missed so much sleep, and not eating right, stressing about my son and his cold, that it really did take a toll on my body.  This time though, it was horrible.  I had somehow demolished my apartment while I was out of it.  I had deep cuts all over my legs, a black eye on my left side, and so much bruising all over my body.  At first, I thought that was my worst of it all, but I was wrong.  When I finally woke up in the hospital, and could actually comprehend what was going on, a nurse told me that it was Tuesday, and I had been in the hospital since Sunday.  I just burst into tears because I had no idea where my son was, and I couldn't remember what happened, or why I was there.  I just looked down, and saw all these tubes coming out of me from  everywhere, and I was scared to death.

This is my PIC line, just one of the tubes I saw when I woke up

Once I was able to speak to a doctor, I was told that I was brought in that Sunday evening, but nobody really knew what happened to me.   They had done CAT scans and ultrasounds, but they came up with nothing, no cause for what happened to me.  What they could tell me was that I had gotten a concussion when I hit my eye, and I also had developed an extremely severe case of rhabdomyolysis from all the trauma to my body.  This was the real scary part, because they didn't think I was going to make it when they found out how bad it was.  Somehow though, through the grace of God...I am still here.  My goodness, I get chills even thinking about all the things that were going through my mind when they told me how sick I was....I can't y'all.  I'm sorry.  I gotta take another break to get it together.  Imma have to continue this in a little while.  It's harder than I thought to get it all out, but I gotta let it out.  Stick with me...