I have to say this because it has been weighing so heavily on my heart. It bothers me so much to get criticism and what is considered to be "tough love" when it comes to LJ. I have done, and I continue to do my very best at raising my son, despite everything else going on with his health and mine. Truth be told though, life is not easy, and that is just what it is. I am a first time Mom, and all of this is new to me. Whether LJ was born with any health issues, or not, I would have a lot to learn just like any other mother. I just don't appreciate it when my efforts, or my struggle, is downplayed. I love my family, let me say that; what family I have at least. Anyway, i appreciate everything that they do for me, I mean, we all do things for each other. That is what family is about, and I think sometimes people tend to forget that. The thing is, I also think that with family being so closely involved, they tend to overlook certain things. Maybe since when they see us out of the house, and LJ is doing well, and looking good, and I'm OK, they might forget that I have rough, sometimes sleepless nights. It may slip their mind that he had terrible diarrhea for months, or was just in the hospital for weeks, for example. The point is, they tend to forget what we go through. In doing so, it is easy for someone to feel that the little accomplishments that I look at as milestones in his development, are just that. To the naked eye, they may appear simply mediocre, but to me, knowing how far we have come, and what obstacles we face on a daily basis, I take every small step, as a giant leap. It is just hurtful to be undermined as though I don't do enough as a parent. I have never been one to ask for sympathy, but just for someone to acknowledge that I deal with a lot, and given the hand I/we were dealt, I think we are doing damn good, i don't care what anybody says. My baby is leaps and bounds beyond where doctors said he would be today. No, he is not where I would like him to be, but that is just reality. He is doing great though, and I refuse to let anybody take that away from him, or me. From having a medical issues, to losing his father at such a young age, he has a lot to deal with. For me, having my fist child born with such intense medical issues, and losing my fiance, whom I planned to spend my life with; I am still dealing with the sobering reality of it all. Anyone who can go to bed at night lying next to the one they love, not having to worry about taking your child for blood work in the morning, or frequent doctors appointments, hospitalizations, etc., there is no way that you can say anything when it comes to my life. You have no idea what it is like....not even a little.
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