The last couple of days, I have been reminiscing on things last year, and how much everything has changed. Some things for the better, and some, not so much. This time last year, actually, exactly this time last year, I was in the hospital after having multiple grand mal seizures, and I almost lost my life. LJ also had to go the hospital because while I was having these seizures, he was the only one in the house with me, and I neglected to care for him, so he did got his medication, or his nutrition, which caused him to be severely dehydrated, and in need of his immunosuppressants for the health of his new kidney. It was BAD! Thank God my family thought enough to come check on me because I wasn't answering my phone and we were so close that my sisters and I talked everyday. It had been 2 days. I get chills every time I think about it. They said LJ was in shock when they got there. He was just sitting in the bed silent. No crying, ...nothing. The only odd thing is I had been changing his diapers, but nothing else. After all kinds of tests, MRI's CAT scans, sleep studies, all types of stuff. The only thing they came up with was that I had PTSD and I have been so stressed out between taking care of LJ by myself, dealing with Josh passing, and never taking time to deal with it all that my body just shut down, and I started having seizures. It's the craziest thing. Now, after a year of being on medication, I have not had another one, thank God. That was really the third time it happened, but the first 2 times, my niece was there and they were very mild and quick, both in my sleep too. I pray that I have seen the last of them. I try not to get to stressed, especially since it's still just me and LJ in the house. I worry so much about my lil man, I'm all he has, I can't leave him.
Since then, there have been so many stressful things to happen, but I try not to let them get to me. Family problems, it's like my whole family has fallen apart. We are so different from how we use to be. Lord knows, now, if anything were to happen, I could never feel as confident in anyone coming to check on me. We are not the same anymore. It should always be family over everything. That is always the way it has been my entire life, and now that I'm an adult, and have started a family of my own, everything is changed. Even the few friendships that I thought that were solid in my life have disintegrated. I am hurt by this, but, my trust for people outside of my family has always been pretty much non existant, so while it does bother me, it doesn't exactly shock me to my core. Either way, every relationship pretty much in my life has been altered in the past year, and it has taken a toll on me emotionally. I promise not to let it break me though. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right! If I don't know anything, I know that much. Stay Blessed Everybody, and Love those who love you Back!!
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