Taking a Toll

It has been weeks now since LJ has been able to go to school.  My baby has been feeling up and down sick, I have been sick.  He's been whiny because his stomach has been bothering him, and it's not much I can do about it, except hold him and try my best to comfort him in my arms, but I know that it doesn't make anything better.  We haven't been out much because the car is in the shop, it just seems like one thing after another.  I want to have this positive outlook on things so that he feeds off of that, but it is so hard to do.  I feel like I'm letting him down in so many ways.  I wish it was so much more that I could do for him, so much that I'm not doing, but I don't know what to do.  My mind is all over the place for so many different reasons.  I am fighting my own battles and I'm trying to keep it all together for my Angel.  Sometimes it all seems to come to a head.  The crazy thing is that it seems like its more now than before.  My stress and anxiety is becoming more frequent.  At one point in time, I was able to handle so much more, and it all seemed so trivial, but then I look back and realize, I had my Bae back then.  He always made everything better.  Everything is so different now, my heart is much more empty now, I'm like half a person.  I feel like I'm running on empty and I just want to fill myself back up.  I have to be whole on my own though.  I have to do this by myself.  Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, and sad as it may be, even if he was here today, there is no guarantee that we would have even still been together.  I would have loved to think so, but life is strange that way.  I just pray to God everyday that he give me the strength to find it in myself to be everything that my son needs me to be, everything that I need to be for myself, because I am struggling out here.  Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, things are taking a toll on me, and I can't let them break me.