#Thankful Thursday

On this wonderful Thursday (which just happens to be my older brother's 40th birthday),  I was feeling like I have been a little ungrateful lately.  I felt like, for a minute, in the midst of all this chaos in my life, I forgot to be thankful. Now, I usually make it a point ever day, at least, every night, to think of at least 2 things that I am grateful for.  There is always so much more, but it should never be a problem to come up with 2 off the top of my head.  Last night though, I was so angry, so full of rage... for so many different things.  It was like the devil rose up in me, and I could think of a reason to be mad at any and everyone, and just had an overall bad attitude.  Anybody who knows me, knows that I can go from 0 to 100, in about 3 seconds, but this was different.  I couldn't shake this feeling,... this ugly feeling.  Right now, I can't even tell you what it was, aside from depression, but that's the best I could do.   I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders at all times, and i guess, sometimes it gets too heavy before I even realize it.  But enough of that!

Today, I woke up, and looked at my son, my little miracle, who is getting so big.  As I was getting up to get dressed so we could go to the doctor's to get LJ's labwork done, I had all these flashes of much harder times.  The times when I wondered how I would get out of bed,....when I just didn't even want to get out of bed, let alone anything else.  I thought about my son, and all that he goes through, and still smiles so bright, and laughs so hard everyday,...even when he is sick.  It was like it just hit me, as it often does when I need a reminder.  I am so Blessed!  How could i ever forget that, or even let it fade from my mind at any time.  Yes, things have been bad, but they could always be worse....always.  And trust me, I have been in situations where it was like, it cannot possibly get any worse than this, ...and it did.

So, I got a reality check, courtesy of myself, lol.  It was very much needed though, because I swear, I didn't even like myself yesterday.