Here is a post I wrote on 11/19. One of the roughest days of the year so far for me:
Today has been such a struggle for me. It's Josh's 31st birthday, well it would have been. This year has been extra hard for me. I swear, time has not been on my side. I know that I can't expect to be better by a certain time, or nothing like that, but Lord have mercy...this is killing me. I have been feeling terrible. I miss my Bae so much. It hurts so bad still. I would've at least thought I would be able to deal with today a little better by now. This is the fourth birthday that I spent without him. I still hear his voice, and see his smile when i close my eyes, and I pray those things never change. He was my everything; my best friend, my love, the father of my son.....everything. There is not one single day that goes by that I don't think of him. I will love that man Forever and a Day!!!
I love you with all my heart Joshua. Happy Birthday Bae xoxox
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