Flash forward

Today I spent a lot of time reflecting on things.  After going over my journal entries so I could type then out, I was feeling really low.  LJ was sleep, and I just watched him, and so many memories, so many, spun around in my mind.  I thought of how empty I felt leaving the hospital without him after I gave birth, and everyday until I finally brought him home at 5 months old.  How many nights I wondered if he would ever get to even see his home.  Then, he woke up, and everything changed.  He looked up at me and said, "Oh!, hey mom!", and just like that, my heart smiled again.  My baby said "What's wrong with you mom? Can I have a hug?"  All of a sudden, all the hard  times just faded from my mind as he started singing a song from Daniel tiger's neighborhood.  It's so easy to be sad, and feel sorry for your situation, but when I see my son smile, or hear him say anything, I thank God.  I remember days when I was told he wouldn't make it, that he would never even breathe on his own.    Lord!  I am so thankful for everything.  The struggles especially, because without them, we wouldn't be who we are, him or I.  I'm thankful for each day that my son got to spend with his father before he was taken from us.  Even despite losing the love of my life, I am thankful for the many years we spent in love and loving each other, and most importantly for the greatest gift of all, my LJ.  So tonight as I sit and think, all I can do is thank God for everything!!