Making it Through the Day

So today, like most days, I have been struggling with the loss of my fiancé.  Although it has been 3 years now, majority of the time, I still have a hard time getting through the day.  I do have some things that I stick to, things I try to do, which tend to help me work through it.

                       Life After Losing the One you Love

I could never have imagined losing my fiancé to gun violence at such a young age.  He was just 27.  It tore my life apart.  Everyday I lie in bed in so much pain, hesitant to start my day.  Each night that my head hits the pillow, I am thankful that  made it another day without truly breaking down. I am sure to follow a few rules, as I call them, everyday to get through.

• Pray. Whether its out loud, or to myself.  I ask God everyday to help me, and give me strength to handle the heartache and pain that I will endure, and to push me to go on.
• Breathe.  As simple as it seems, and seeing as how we do it without even thinking about it; it's easy to forget to breathe.  Taking long deep breaths allow you to calm yourself, and think, clear your mind.  Breathing deeply releases tension, relaxes your mind and body, as well as helps to clear uneasy feelings from your body.  I have very frequent anxiety attacks since my fiancé's death, and breathing is extremely important in helping to deal with them.   There are many benefits to just taking long deep breaths.
• Cry.  This is the most important of all as far as I'm concerned.  Everyday, every time I feel like I need to let it out, I cry.  You have to let it out.  I am a very private person, and I do not like to show emotion in front of  people.  I barely cry in front of my own family, but sometimes you just gotta let go, and let God!  Having that anger inside builds up, and has to come out.  Sometimes I get numb, and crying is the only thing that lets me know I'm here.  It can be like that.  
• Never Forget.  This is so important to me because, I know some people try to block their loved one out of their mind.   I understand how hard remembering can be.  Blocking that person out, and acting like they were never here is hurtful to yourself.  They existed, and shared time and space with you, and in your heart, how could you not acknowledge that.  In a way, it's like trying to erase a part of your own life.  It is more than necessary, for the love you shared with, and for that person, to remember them always.  It can be however you choose to remember them.  There is so right or wrong way, but for me, my fiancé was my life.  He helped to shape me into the woman and mother that I am today,  and for that I will always honor his memory.

Losing someone that you love, whom you planned to spend your life with, is devastating.  Learning to live without them can be just as challenging.  You may never truly get over losing that special someone, but you have to find a way to make it through, and make the most of each day, for you, and everyone else who loves you.  God Bless!!

- Lacretia